My body wants to be fat

I try to exercise on a stationary bike, but it hurts my tailbone.

I try to walk for an hour several times a week but then my feet get really sore.

I try to eat healthy food, but my hands can only grasp cake.

I try to do strength training, but my muscles are already buried under several hundred pounds of fatty tissue and can't lift another pound.

I tried a gym membership, but my wallet was the only thing that shrank.